1. |
The Last Time
03:10
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The last time you were in my room
You spent hours on my bed
on the phone with someone else
And I told you that I wasn’t jealous at all
but I felt as empty as
the soda bottle on my shelf
that was yours at a show you came to
The biggest one of last year
we stayed too late, you had a seizure
then I found my biggest fear
and the next day was the first time
I told you I loved you
cuz I realized how sad I’d be
If you were gone
And I wonder if you remember
as clearly as I do
But in case you don’t
well here’s this song
So I’ll watch your cam show like Netflix
Sorry if this seems obsessive
but I made space for you in my heart
before you tore it all apart
I hope you’re happy down in Oakland
That’s a lie I’m only joking
I hope your heart is fucking broken just like mine
I hope your heart is fucking broken just like mine
The last time that we said goodbye
You kissed me on the cheek before
You stepped onto the train
And I won’t forget as long as I live
That moment will live on forever
Playing in my brain
Like so many other moments
So many firsts and so many lasts
I can relive them as often as I like
But they’ll still be in the past
Like the first time we kissed
And the first time we fucked
And the first time you said
You loved me too
Like the first time we fought
which turned out to be the last
Cuz I guess that’s all I
Meant to you
So I’ll watch your cam show like Netflix
Sorry if this seems obsessive
but I made space for you in my heart
before you tore it all apart
I hope you’re happy down in Oakland
That’s a lie I’m only joking
I hope your heart is fucking broken just like mine
I hope your heart is fucking broken just like mine
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2. |
Swimming In Static
03:40
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I can’t seem to sleep at night
Ever since you went away
I just can’t turn my mind off
Just can’t seem to ignore the pain
Feels like I’m swimming in static
And I can’t change the channel
It hurts to see you happy
How could you move on so damn fast
Feel like I’m stuck in limbo
But I know that this rut won’t last
I know that I’ll be ok
And I guess that’s half the battle
Just let the white noise
Wash over my mind
I’ll keep on moving forward
One step at a time
And the next time that I see you
I won’t feel anything at all
Some days it’s not so easy
Some days I cry to all my friends
How could you leave so quickly
I had no chance to make amends
But I don’t think I could have
This probably was a long time coming
It’s not like you were perfect
I didn’t expect you to be
Thought we had that in common
But that wasn’t the truth I see
Hindsight is 20/20
You’ve got a history of running
Just let the white noise
Wash over my mind
I’ll keep on moving forward
One step at a time
And the next time that I see you
I won’t feel anything at all
Oh oh
We both saw what we wanted to see
Oh oh
I saw the best in you, you saw the worst in me
Oh oh
We both saw what we wanted to see
Oh oh
I saw the best in you I saw the best in you
I was so scared you’d leave me
I thought I’d break and never heal
Should give myself more credit
I was so sure of how I’d feel
But now you’ve gone away
and I’m so far from the bottom
I’m giving this some distance
Trying to give myself a little space
Think it’ll help me move on
Help me to not get stuck in place
But don’t you for one second
Think that I’ve forgotten
Just let the white noise
Wash over my mind
I’ll keep on moving forward
One step at a time
And the next time that I see you
I won’t feel anything at all
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3. |
Not Like This
02:11
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You’re an addiction
I’m still struggling to recover from
Your love was the sweetest drug
That I've ever tried
I still get cravings
For the way you used to touch me babe
The sweetness followed by the pain
And when I close my eyes
I can see you
Above me
Like when I begged you
To hurt me
But not like this
You fucking monster
Bite me then give me a kiss
Rip my heart out through my lips
I’ll bleed out I don’t care
I’m going crazy
This withdrawal is wrecking my mind
and I keep expecting to find you
But you’re just not there
And when I see you
Above me
Like when I begged you
To hurt me
But not like this
Yes I'm an addict
Clean since just three weeks ago
Easier every day, you know
Except for when it’s not
I’m fucking crying
But I’ll fill my head with better things
I’ll write some better songs to sing
Than the ones I forgot
And when I see you
Above me
Like when I asked if
You loved me
And when I see you
Like when I begged you
To hurt me
But not like this
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4. |
On My Own
03:47
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You made me feel so beautiful
and when you left I thought
you’d take that beauty with you
leave me broken and distraught
but I’ve realized, though imperfect,
I’m not worthless after all
So I just want to say thank you
Now I’m hanging up this call
Goodbye, my darling, I hope you find
Someone to give you peace of mind
Wish I could say I don’t regret
A minute of the time I spent
With you my head was in a whirl
But I learned how to be my own girl
And I’ll always love you, I’m sure you know
But I can make it on my own
You said I was your everything
Then made me feel like nothing
Built me up and let me down
Told me sweet things but you were bluffing
Now I feel used and lied to
I was the one you cried to
Now I’m alone and crying
I hope you’re satisfied too
Goodbye, my darling, I hope you find
Someone to give you peace of mind
Wish I could say I don’t regret
A minute of the time I spent
With you my head was in a whirl
But I learned how to be my own girl
And I’ll always love you, I’m sure you know
But I can make it on my own
I guess this is the last song
I’ll write for or about you
The first one made you happy
Like it was supposed to
And I don’t know how this will make you feel
And I’m not really sure I care
Cuz I wrote this song for me
This kid’s no longer scared
Goodbye, my darling, I hope you find
Someone to give you peace of mind
Wish I could say I don’t regret
A minute of the time I spent
With you my head was in a whirl
But I learned how to be my own girl
And I’ll always love you, I’m sure you know
But I can make it on my own
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Izzy and the Chimera Portland, Oregon
DIY folk-pop made by a disabled Jewish nonbinary trans girl in Portland, Oregon.
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